Last weekend, I had the opportunity to attend the Integrative Nutrition Mega Conference in Long Beach, Calif. I have to be honest: in the final days leading up to the conference, there was a little voice inside my head questioning whether or not I should attend. In fact, there was a teeny tiny piece of me that was hoping something would come up that would keep me from being able to go.

Sounds crazy, right? I mean, who in her right mind would want to pass up an opportunity to go to California and spend a weekend with people who share the same passion for health and wellness she has? This girl. Maybe not all of this girl, or even most of this girl, but the little voice in her head did—the same voice that spent so many years telling her how fat or ugly she was.

For whatever reason, I started to question whether or not I deserved to go to this conference. Though the initial hesitation came from the few pounds I’ve recently gained, the real culprit was my worrying mind and misleading imagination.

Everyone at this conference is going to be so fit and healthy and perfect! What if I don’t fit in? What will people think of me? I’ve gained some weight, I won’t look good in my clothes, I won’t be good enough.

Ridiculous thoughts like these swam through my head. But you know what? With a little bit of distraction and a lot of self-love, I shut them up. And I’m so glad I did.

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This conference taught me SO much. I learned about different dietary theories and new business tools, visited California for the first time and ate delicious food. Though these things alone made the trip worthwhile, the moments I’ll never forget happened on my last night in California with the women I had the privilege of staying with for the weekend.

After a busy and exciting day, the Casa Blanca Ladies (named after the house we rented) decided to go out to dinner, enjoy some wine and have some deep life conversations—my favorite kind. Due to jet lag and and early mornings, I missed the first two nights of sharing and talking, but I wasn’t about to miss out on this! Craving some meaningful conversation, I was determined to do whatever it took to keep myself awake—even if it did mean pinching myself from time to time.

After dinner, a group of us gathered in the living room area and started to talk. I can’t remember how the topic came up, but Holly and Charlotte started talking about traditional Native American religion and spirituality. I immediately started to ask a million questions and found myself absolutely fascinated by what they were talking about: auras, energies, spirits… This was the most I’d ever talked about spirituality, and I loved what I was learning!

Once the conversation began to slow down, most of the women in the house ventured down to the beach for a healing session. Charlotte cleansed our spirits with burnt sage, and we were taught a simple way to let go of something we felt was holding us down. My food issues came to mind, and though I felt somewhat lighter after the process, I could still feel a negative energy lingering around me. It was at this point that I tried another technique with Holly and spent time talking to her about my disordered eating and the feelings I have surrounding it. To be able to truly open up and talk was wonderful, and I woke up feeling better than I have in a long time—like a weight had been lifted.

I’m not saying this one healing ritual cured me of my issues; I know it will take time for that to happen. It did, however, make me take notice of something that’s been missing in my life for as long as I can remember: spirituality. I’ve never been much of a religious person (aside from attending a youth group during my early teens), so I had written off religion and spirituality. I disagree with a lot of what some organized religions preach and had never really felt like anything was missing in my life until Sunday night.

Thanks to Holly, Charlotte and the rest of the Casa Blanca Ladies, I’ve decided to find a part of my life that I didn’t even know was missing. Not wanting to identify with a specific religion or even denomination, I’ve been researching Unitarian and Unity churches in my area. For the first time, I’m excited to find a church that’s right for me and explore a new, deeper part of myself.

Without knowing it, I’ve been depriving myself, and God (or whoever is up there) knows I don’t need to do anymore of that. It’s time for some soulful nourishment.

What do you do to feel connected to your spirituality or religion?